Just so broken.

We met with the neurologist today to be told that the damage is extensive on Kenny's brain. He proceeded to tell us that the gross motor skills will be greatly dimished, actually he said it would be suprizing if he walked! He also said that he would be greatly developmentally delayed. I just don't know what to think. Of course I am thinking positively. But really, I'm ticked! Why do I have 4 kids and 3 of them will have to work so much harder than the rest??!! I know that we are 'special' parents getting 'special' kids, and that there is a reason for these gifts being given to us. But it doesn't mean in the interm that I'm not hurt, upset, scared, or even down right Pi$$ed off!!! I don't think that I'd be normal not to think that. I have 4 beautiful children. I love them so much. It pains me to have to live each day to try and help them get 1 step forward to everyone elses 3! I'm lucky to have all of my kids with me. I know that. I just don't understand why???!! Kenny will be having an EEG sometime this week to check for seizure activity as well. We still don't know why he's having Brady's (bradicardia). So maybe this will help with some answers. It's funny. Kristen was in the hospital with CDH for 3 months. Kenny was a preemie at 8 weeks early, and he's been in the hospital already half of the time that Kristen was with a life threatening abnormality! I think that I'm just going to need some time to heal and deal with all of this. I have to say, knowing that my baby was going to be born 'sick' (CDH) was almost easier to deal with than having a baby that I thought was healthy and well and be given this news today.